анекдоты на английском

Ответ от Оксана Федюк[гуру]
SCHOOL JOKES Mother: What did you learn in school today Son: How to write Mother: What did you write? Son: I don\'t know, they haven\'t taught us how to read yet! Teacher: Be sure that you go straight home Student: I can\'t, I live just round the corner! TEACHER : What is an island ? Pupil : A piece of land surrounded by water except on one side. TEACHER :On one side ? Pupil : Yes, on top ! TEACHER :Give me three reasons why the world is round Pupil : Well my dad says so, my mum says so and you say so ! TEACHER : I want you to tell me the longest sentence you can think of Pupil : Life imprisonment ! TEACHER : Name four members of the cat family Pupil : Daddy cat, mummy cat and two kittens ! TEACHER : What is further away, Australia or the Moon ? Pupil : Australia, you can see the Moon at night ! TEACHER : What is the plural of mouse ? Pupil :Mice TEACHER : Good, now what\'s the plural of baby ? Pupil : Twins ! TEACHER : What\'s the longest word in the English language ? Pupil : Smiles - because there is a mile between the first and last letters ! Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? Because there were so many knights! Teacher: Are you good at math? Pupil: Yes and no Teacher: What do you mean? Pupil: Yes, I\'m no good at math! Why were the teacher\'s eyes crossed? She couldn\'t control her pupils! Mother:What did you learn in school today? Son: Not enough, I have to go back tomorrow! Teacher: You aren\'t paying attention to me. Are you having trouble hearing? Pupil: No, teacher I\'m having trouble listening! "I will do anything to pass" A student comes to a young professor\'s office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "...I would do...anything." He returns her gaze. "Anything?" "Anything." His voice softens. "Anything??" "Absolutely anything." His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you...study?"